| (no subject) |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|05:41 pm] |
i love chelsea likw WOAh
i waNt her sex
shes amazing
you should all want her too
shes thwe best thing ever
shes so much better then erica |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|05:26 pm] |
| [ | M00d |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | Music/Noize |
| | Mirror Mirror-M2M | ] |
I want to go back to when things were so much easier.
I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears.
I want to be a little girl again when the only thing that mattered to me was my cousin Brittany and my little sister Amber. I want Britt to go back to being my best friend, the one who I couldn't live without and simpley adored. I wanted Amber to go back to being the innocent angel she had been; the one I watched out for, the one who would depend on me at times.
I want my Uncle Eric to live here in MA again and not being hooked on drugs and in jail at the moment. I wish he HAD married that woman and had her children. Maybe if he had a family of his own he wouldn't be in such a mess. I want things to be simple. I really do. I miss all of those times when I could wake up knowing I was sleeping in a bed in the same room as my sister with my mom right down the hall. Knowing I would see my best friend that day and we would play pretend all day and eat lunch together at the little table in the kitchen.
I want to go back before these thigns were in my head. When Barbie's, The Little Mermaid, Wizard Of Oz and Mac and Cheese were the things wandering my brain. Not the things now. Lets go back to before I was horribly Bipolar and had Severe Depression. please? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|09:07 pm] |
I'm sorry. This isn't gonna work out at all. I can't be with him.
Because I'm not what he needs. I'll end up hurting him worse if I don't do it now. I'm not who he thinks I am and things are way to unclear right now to be with anyone. I'm unstable and the things in my head are getting worse. Trust me on this. I need to spend time away from everyone of you.. |
|
|
| Concerning the Jacob Robida bullitens. |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|05:32 pm] |
No offense, but I think this is an extremely retarded thing. HE KILLED PEOPLE. Yea. And people that I would normally hang with. GAY PEOPLE. It was a fucking hate crime so i can see where people would ahte him. The only reason half of you "don't agree with his actions but don't hate him" is because he was apart of that "family"
You call yourselves individuals but you all follow the same damn thing and wear the same damn thing. You honestly don't make any sense. I am so sick of hearing about this boy. And to claim him a martyr? YOU DISGUST ME. He is not a saint nor a God. He was a fool. You don't kill people. It's plain and simple. I really don't have anything against ICP or Juggalos or Juggalettes. But I DO have something against the lyrics. They are tasteless and disgusting.
" stab old people, ladies, little kids, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!"
What kind of person would write that let alone, PUBLISH it??!
"Now I stack my .9, I'm goin' for the knees
I'ma blow 'em out and give your neck a squeeze"
"Girl you know I love you, but now you gotta die"
That is pathetic and detestable. I understand that those of you that listen to them "can relate or click with them." I have friends that are into ICP and anythign else from Psycopathic Records. My sister and cousin included. I still don't see why you listen to music as hateful as this AND call Jacob Robida a hero and such. I know it's not all of you that do this and that is why I apologize to those of you that listen to ICP and are ashamed to call this boy "family." I hope that none of you that listen to this....unrefined music follow the disappointing steps of a Mr. Robida.
Nikki |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|01:49 am] |
Hm....Yea. I don't want to update about everything so go to my xanga to read all of the crap that has happend.
www.xanga.com/tragicmemories88 |
|
|
| Snow Day |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|11:02 am] |
| [ | M00d |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Music/Noize |
| | LaLa **Ashlee Simpson | ] |
Well it's an extended Vaca. SNOW DAY
And I am suffering cramps and allergies. Grr. I have a small confession to make.
I think maybe I do love Scott. Well atleast like him ALOT. He was all I could think about last night.
He was in my dream. I hated that dream though.
Scott, Chelsea, Dana, Trevor, Derek, Mary, Erica and I were at some lake. We were having a big picnic.
The lake was beautiful. Like when you watch those hollywood movies and the kids are at the park with crystal blue water, and grass so green that you just know it's fake?
We were all having a good time and such. Chelsea had brought this cdplayer thing and it had speakers so we ended up all dancing. I heard my name being called so I looked over and saw Steve Keeley. My heart jumped into my throat. I ran over and hugged him and I never wanted to let go. But then I heard Scott calling my name and I looked over my shoulder. I wanted to cry so badly. He came and put his arms around my waist and asked me who my friend was. I introduced them choking back tears. Steve asked if he could talk to me privatly so I walked away a bit with him and of course, it starts raining. He asked if he was my boyfriend and I said yes. He looked like he was going to cry. That tore me apart. He started asking me if I still loved him and if he meant anything to me at all. I just started crying telling him I was always going to love him no matter what. I never thought that I was going to see him. I took the chance that he told me to take. In that point in time I regreted it. Steve told me that he didn't want to see me every again. He said he didn't love me anymore. And with that, walked away. I walked back to everyone else and said that I just wanted to go home; I didn't feel well.
When I got home (we all shared this HUGE ass house) I got changed into dry clothes and crawled into bed. Scott came in and layed down with me. He started asking who Steve was and what had happened. I turned to face him (still crying) and told him that Steve was someone that I had loved for like two years and that we used to say we'd get married and such. Scott got upset and started yelling asking me how I could love Steve and not him. I just sat there crying. Scott left the room and a few minutes later Chelsea, Erica and Mary came in and sat on the bed. I told them what was going on and we talked. Of course I would have to choose. I told them I wanted to sleep and that I'd talk to them later. As soon as they left I walked into the bathroom and overdosed on sleeping meds, killing myself.
I would never do that. Never. It doesn't matter if something like that happened to me. Well I woke up when Chelsea came to check on me and found my cold on the floor. There was an amublance and the lights were flashing so brightly. The paramedics walked out the front door with a stretcher carrying me covered in a white sheet. Trevor held Erica. Chelsea and Mary were sitting on the ground in tears. Derek stood by Mary's side not sure of what to do. Dana sitting on a rock with his head in his hands. And Scott....
Scott standing away from everyone staring into the lights crying. Just standing there. As soon as I was in the Ambulance, it pulled away and there was Steve staring after it.
I hate that dream with a passion. I hate it. |
|
|
| confessions |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|11:32 am] |
Why am I so caught up about him? Why should I care that he wants me out of his life? I am the one who broke our relationship up so why do I care so much? I should be happy or something. But I'm not. We had been such good friends after when we stayed friends. Then when he started dating Amber, he hated me. He wanted me to die. And right now, I would SO GLADLY love to comply with his wishes. I'd give him the world if I could even though he broke my heart into thousands of tiny sharp peices Friday night. After I saw him with her I started crying. That was supposed to be me. I was the one that was supposed to be in his arms, the one he would whisper to. But I fucked it up and now I have to suffer. He was the first boy I had ever fallen in love with and the thing is...I can NEVER stop loving him no matter how much he hurts me, no matter how much I hurt myself over him. I have only loved one other boy besides him and I can't even have him. So what can I do now? I can't have either so I might as well pretend I'm ok...
I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
It just seems like I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do
And there's nothing I can do
Feels like I'm drowning
I'm screaming for air
(Screaming for air)
Louder I'm crying
And you don't even care |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
dead_n_descease's journal
